That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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