yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
