I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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