well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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