Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
