a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
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She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
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Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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