good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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