when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She bit a glass in half.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
