She's JV to your varsity
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
