I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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