how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.