i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.