Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.