I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
