I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.