dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them