omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
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Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
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i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY