I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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