So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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