IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
