What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
