can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
