Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
