No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
