the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
