You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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