I accidentally had phone sex last night
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
