im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
