when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
