Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
