Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
