On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
