Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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