I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
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