Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize