i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
