we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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