been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
