ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
