you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
