I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
