Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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