My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
