someone owes me an orgasm
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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