well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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