I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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