I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
