Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
