Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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