I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
