Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
