smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
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Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
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I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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