my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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