you guys were way drunker than both of me
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
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She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
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I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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