I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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