hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
