no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
