Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
