I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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