so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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