Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize