She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
