I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
