I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
