Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
