just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
