Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my shit smells like andre
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
