I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
